What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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