I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
