i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
