After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
