After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
