I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've blown a few things in my day
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
