Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
