whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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