Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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