my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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