The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
