I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
