Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
