Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
