Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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