everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
