I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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