can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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