Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
