Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
