i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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