last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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