I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
