I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
