You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
