my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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