also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
