You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
