i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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