she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
