you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
