I just saw a hot homeless man
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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