im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
