A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
