when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
