Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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