I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
