dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
