Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
In America we eat man semen.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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