i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
