i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
