Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
