Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
