I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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