I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
