dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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