hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
