you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
