I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
