Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
try to milk me bitch
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
